Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
