Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
