Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
