Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
