Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
