So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
