Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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