i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
