Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
