He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
