Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
