As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
