i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
