Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
