the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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