Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
