just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
