i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wakey wakey hands off snakey
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
