I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
