i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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