I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize