We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
