I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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