you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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