I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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