Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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