i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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