How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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