So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
