ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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