this boner is exhausting
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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