So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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