I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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