I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
