Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
