So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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