I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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