lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
