Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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