It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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