Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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