do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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