so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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