Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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