well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize