Where is the hickey?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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