everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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