I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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