It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
