For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize