i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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