i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
