I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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