Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
