Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
