Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
