my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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