Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
