I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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