My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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