Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
