Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
