I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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