absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
