1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
