i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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