He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
