sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize