I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
