i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
