He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
